WOW | Men Speak

Are men wired to dominate women?

Pradip Pariyar
Executive Chairperson, Samata Foundation

Reflecting on the Nepali or South Asian society, men control women in almost all domains of life. A man is expected to bring a daughter-in-law who will lend a hand in his household chores. Men are the primary breadwinners of the family and make decisions. They eat first, go to bed first – women make everything ready in between. And she has to adapt to living and tending to the husband and his family’s needs, taking care of them.

Surprisingly, a man is never taught that he can live with his in-laws because it will bring shame to his manhood and his family. I have not seen any of my friends who live with their in-laws, meaning at his wife’s parent’s house. We are taught that men should not cry, should be strong. A younger brother is expected to protect his sister – it does not matter what age she is. The son gets to eat first, and that too a good meal, to his heart’s content. The daughter, along with her mother, will wait for the men to feast and will have to make-do with leftovers.

No man teaches that men and women are equal. Men dominate the key positions in government, bureaucracy, industry, business, military, health services, and every other institution. Women are but deputies to their male counterparts and are made to follow the men’s decisions.

According to the WEF’s Global Gender Gap Report 2020, gender parity will not be attained for 100 years, a century. Meaning we won’t be alive to see that gender parity. Most probably, it will be the same for many of our children. Yes, men are wired to dominate women. Yet, we are fortunate to see much development in the last decade. Women have increased access to their rights. We have seen movements like #metoo. Women now speak up, fight for justice and equity. They have entered into fields barred to them, achieved groundbreaking success, and led the human race to new parallels and paradigm. These are the youth of the new millennia.

Saurabh Jyoti
Director, Jyoti Group

Yes of course. We are all macho, strong men, the superior sex, and we are wired to dominate women. Haven’t you ever had a discussion or an argument with your wife, mother, sister, or daughter? We try to dominate, scream, howl and try to show how superior we are flaunting our ego and chauvinism till they respond compassionately with care, rationale, logical heartfelt reply, and then your wires get all crossed, and in an instant, your superiority complex gets grounded and the dominator becomes subdued and dominated. So, even if a man is right or wrong he always loses. And in a rare eventuality when men do win, then also they land up losing.

But when women win, men have a happy family, a happy home, and the heart is at peace. So when women win, men win too. So, definitely, men are wired to dominate women. We think so. Or rather we’d like to think so. But whether we are successful at it is highly questionable.

Yubi Thapa
Fashion Designer

Men and women together create a family, community, state, and the whole nation. Every individual has equal rights, responsibilities, and opportunities. So, this kind of biasness is worthless. An ideal human being treats everyone equally. If they don’t then that person needs to learn much more to be an ideal being. None are wired to dominate.

Nishan Bhujel
Film Director

While growing up we see our mother involved in most of the household work and father as the breadwinner which subconsciously has some influence on us as men being the “director” of the family. As we grow up, we are taught to “be like a man” and hold our emotions and not to “cry like a girl” just because it looks like weakness.

But the problem is not only how a boy is raised, but also how a girl is raised. Girls don’t get raised by their parents as boys do. In most cases, they aren’t taught to be strong and independent as men. The main issue is how boys and girls are raised and the things that are fed into their minds.

And not only humans, male dominance is also present in every animal. So some biological and social factors make men more dominant than women. I don’t support it but it’s the reality of our society. Men should never think they are entitled enough to dominate women. No gender is superior to the other.

Saman Shrestha
Nepal’s First Roadie, Climber & Coach

Most men in the past were wired to dominate women because muscular strength was a big deal. As machines and technology shaped the world, people have realised women are equally or even more capable of doing many things. Generally, women are known for their caring nature. This softness is often misunderstood as weakness by some men. Our families and society still somehow dominate women. This mindset needs to be eradicated and people must respect every gender. People must see each other just as human and nothing else.

Yuyustav Subedi
Assistant Sales Manager, Foodmandu

If the question is “are men genetically wired to dominate women”, the answer is an obvious no. However if the question is “are men wired by the society to dominate women”, the answer would be a big yes!

In a family of seven, I and my father are the only members who seldom reprise their presence in the kitchen, does that mean we are dominating the female members of our family intentionally? No, but unintentionally and subconsciously – yes. Are we proud of that, obviously not, but are we doing anything to change that? Being honest, we are not doing everything we can or should.

As an educated male of this generation, I should be doing more and rising above the norms and teachings of this society who have subconsciously wired me to be more dominating, and trust me I am. I have not changed the entire dynamics yet, but I make sure I stand with my wife and mom in the kitchen after a long day of work for all of us. I make sure my sister does not sit apart from us during her periods. I probably cannot make the entire male society unlearn the dominance wired in them by the general society, but I can start with myself, and make sure my family unlearns first and hopefully someday the world will follow.