WOW | Best of Me
Bringing Your Best YOU To Your Relationship
Practice Appreciation– healthy relationships are ones in which there is a culture of appreciation and respect, and this starts at home!
Take responsibility – Next time your find yourself in an argument with your partner and feel yourself being criticised or blamed, stop and look at the situation to see if there is some little part of it that you can take responsibility for. This isn’t about saying that everything is your fault, but rather about recognising that relationships are complex and taking responsibility for your part.
Flip your perspective – Research into couples has shown that when unhappy couples are asked about their partner’s character traits, they assign a whole load of negative traits to their partner while assigning a whole lot of positive ones to themselves but when they are happy, the partner gets positive traits too. This shows that this tendency is not so much about stable character traits as it is about our perspective in the moment and it does not help us in resolving issues in relationships. So next time you are thinking of your partner’s negative traits, try to shift your perspective.
Ask for what you want – if you notice yourself feeling resentful, this probably isn’t happening. Sometimes this is about something happening that doesn’t feel good for you, so next time, instead of jumping into criticism or flopping into victim mode ask for what you want. At the same time see if it relates to those deeper things that you might not have realised are missing, like more connection, more one on one time, more support.
Self-soothe – taking responsibility for our own upset feelings is crucial to healthy relationships. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get a cuddle and some loving words from your partner, you should! What it means is that when you feel yourself getting upset, angry or scared, take a moment to acknowledge how you’re feeling, check in with what’s going on in your body and practice you favourite self-care strategy, maybe three deep breaths, maybe imagining being at your favourite beach, maybe placing a hand over your heart or your belly and just breathing into the discomfort. From there you’ll be better able to connect on an emotional level with whatever is going on.