WOW | Opinion


Text: Anusuya Puri Basnet

“She is divorced, I am sure it is the girl’s fault, maybe she couldn’t adjust better,” peeling oranges on a sunny afternoon, one of my cousin aunt gossiped.  She added, “I never liked that girl, she was too modern, that’s why her marriage failed”.

And I thought to myself: our society gives much more respect to a widow than to a divorcee. And the finger is almost always pointed towards the woman with fault finding in her attitude and her inability to adjust. Society doesn’t approve of a woman initiating the divorce process yet is the man is a divorcee, they will help him find a new bride and feel sorry for him.

It must take a lot of courage for two people to take decision to separate because no one really ties the knot thinking of getting divorced. And often society will never really know what was behind the couple’s decision to go their separate ways.

The older generation takes pride in sharing stories of adjustment they made with their husband’s second wife. They would then just live for the children. A woman was not allowed nor welcome to return to her parents under adverse circumstances. Her womanhood lay in her ability to survive the situation.

Today divorce rates are going up. Women are educated, working and have empowered themselves to be independent. Nobody comes to the point of divorce without valid reason and where there is no possibility of compromise.

Recently, a case of a husband committing suicide was extensively covered in the media. An extreme measure that was taken out of fear of social scrutiny; people and often your own would rather that you stifle than be free and happy.

Someone tried and failed. Let us not create more difficulties for them. Also remember before pointing to a woman, “oh she is a divorcee” by recognizing there is a him too.