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it’s hard to see the light as the days merge one into another.

Some days, it’s hard to see the light as the days merge one into another. Tomorrow is an unknown path said the wise, and today we know it truly is. The pandemic has changed so many aspects of our life, from our work to the little things we took for granted such as the ability to walk in and out the door freely. And as life narrows in certain meaningful areas, we learn alternate ways of going past the limitations imposed on us. We learn about patience, gratitude and expanded perspective.

Initially I spent a lot of time consuming information on COVID 19, counting numbers, reading medical articles, listening to debates; and also a lot of time on social media. But the voices got too loud and the arguments became deafening. Either there was too much information or there were too many people trying to be heard and seen, validating their existence to overcome the confines of the walls that they were closed within. Honestly, it began to disturb me, the forced positivity and the outright morbidity. It was just noise.

Today I am learning to reinforce my sense of appreciation for the time I have in this world, for the experiences I have had, and the journey that lies ahead. I am embracing a deeper sense of gratitude for the warm meal on the table, a clean bed, the time with people I truly love, my meditation practice, the stars in the sky, the rain, the sunlight, the birds, the whisper of wind in the trees, video chat with my son each day, my work, my dog… just all the little things that make up each day.
I am learning more about self care and self discipline. I also know I do not have to take an online course, or be on the next zoom meeting, or create a video on my productivity or the next pushup challenge. I know its okay just to be…. some days whole, some days a little broken.

And I know that not everyone is as fortunate. That when the sun shines hard or when it rains, people have to search for shelter and relief. I know about hunger and what it does to self respect when you are forced to stretch your hands out for a meal. I can feel the fear a mother feels for her children. I can sense the desperation of a man who has had his livelihood snatched from him.

Its hard days… and it isn’t going away anytime soon. I know today if I am in a place to do a little something for someone, I will not walk away. And that perhaps has been the greatest lesson: we are in this together, we are all one.

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