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Your First Sexual Experience
Losing your virginity is a major milestone, and yet for many women, it’s not always a good experience.
The first time you have sex is meant to be memorable, but sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way. The good news is that you have the power and the responsibility to safeguard your body and ensure that your first time is as pleasurable as possible. Consider the following steps:
Get empowered. When it comes to your sexuality, you are the one who holds the key to your own pleasure. Even if you are not quite ready to be sexually active, you can still stay in touch with your body through self-stimulation. It’s important for you to know your own anatomy and for you to know all of your hot spots. Through self-stimulation, you can learn how to reach orgasm on your own, which means you will be better able to show your partner how to please you when the time comes. Most importantly, it will keep you in touch with your body and remove any shame or stigma from sexual pleasure. Treasure your sexuality. Value and respect your own body. Don’t give away your virginity to just anyone.
Take charge of your own sexual pleasure. Too often women take a passive role in their sexual experiences, particularly when it comes to the first time. Since they are still green in the bedroom, they assume their partner knows better and should hence direct the action. Not so! Even though you might not have as much experience as your partner, you know your body better than anyone, and you can’t expect him to read your mind. If you want more foreplay, or if you would like a different position or rhythm, don’t be afraid to let him know. He wants to please you, so any guidance you can give him will be much appreciated. If you are too shy to come right out and ask for something, guide him with your moans and coos. For example, if he is touching you in a way that feels good, utter a little moan of pleasure so he knows he is doing it right.
Stay sober. It’s not uncommon for alcohol to play a role in social and dating situations, particularly when one is a young adult. However, alcohol will not only cloud your judgment, it can also dull your sexual pleasure. You want to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually present for your first time, and you don’t want the sensations or the memories clouded by alcohol.
Don’t assume. Have you and your partner discussed having sex? Are you in an exclusive, committed relationship, or are you just “hooking up”? Make sure you know the deal ahead of time so that you don’t wake up the next day with a broken heart — or next to one! And, definitely make sure to practice safer sex. A broken heart hurts, but waking up to a sexually transmitted infection is worse!
Ban next-day guilt. Now that you have made the decision to have sex, you might deal with some residual guilt or shame the next day, especially if you grew up in a religious household. It’s hard to erase those early childhood lessons, but the truth is that sexuality is a natural, normal, and healthy part of life. If you treat your body with respect and you embrace your sexuality in a safe and careful way, you can ensure that your sexual experiences will always be pleasurable and guilt-free.