WOW | Men Speak
Do guys complain about their girlfriends to their friends?
Pankaj Parajuli (Executive Director, Institution for Suitable Actions for Prosperity (ISAP))
Well, this is a tough one. Reveal too much and your girlfriend might be pissed. Not reveal enough and this write-up will not be interesting. I do share it with two or three of my closest friends. In the initial stage, when you are just starting to date and trying to figure each other out, that is when I guess I share the most. You are always wondering what the other person is thinking and not sure what the signals mean: that’s when it’s most fun to consult your friends. But as you build on the relationship, you get more emotionally intimate – that is when I start sharing less. Your partner is sharing with you in confidence and at that point, I feel I should stop sharing details.
Another time when you share is when you have some problems. For this stage, I generally prefer to share with my female friends. They are best equipped to understand your girlfriend’s perspective better. It will help me understand the situation better and deal with it at hand. However, during such times, it is important to show respect and leave out irrelevant things and details that she has shared with you in confidence.
When guys complain about their girlfriends amongst other guys, they usually do it in a humorous context. It is very rare for a guy to talk seriously about it with another guy. I think it is in their nature to try and solve problems on their own, and talking about it seriously among other guys is a sign of loss or defeat. Another reason is that most guys will try to find a solution if you hand them a problem or a complaint, and they will only advise you if they know the solution. With girlfriend issues, they usually don’t! It is easier and more likely that guys talk about it with their friends who are girls. Female friends handle it in a much better way and often give you great advice. Complaining about wives though is a whole different story.
Bishal Yadav (Engineer, Department of Irrigation)
Men by nature are more reserved and restrictive when it comes to sharing emotions in comparison to women. The idea of bonding between guys is talking about sports, technology and many other things rather than talking about their ‘feelings’.
I do talk about the special someone in my life with my close friends but usually it is generic talk like where she works or how she is. It is never about the quality or issues in my relationship. I feel more comfortable discussing these things with my female friends than with the boys. If an acquaintance asks me about my relationship status and if I am in one, I don’t mind sharing the status but other than that, I don’t find it necessary or comfortable to talk about her.
Raban Rana (Resident DJ/ Promoter, Club 25 Hours)
I do not like sharing everything with everyone. I have a small set of close friends and all of us share things that bother us sometimes. During difficult times sharing with a close friend you can trust helps you see situations clearly. Their input and suggestions can also help you make decisions if needed. So, I feel that sharing with the right person is important. If you are comfortable with the people you are talking to then sharing about what is bothering you may actually make things easier.
Binayek Das Shrestha (Founder/Head Instructor, Salsa Dance Academy )
Well, since I’m married now, I must talk about “Do I complain about my wife with my friends?” Honestly, I DO NOT. We do not talk and complain about our significant other amongst my friends circle, but sometimes we do share, in their presence, things like: who takes how long to get ready, sleeping positions, likes and dislikes.
Other than that, we mostly talk about games, leagues, and other interests. However, there may be some men who complain about their girlfriends and their wives, but that is not the case with me. And even if there’s anything I want to complain about, which is rare, I make it a point to do it in her presence. Later, we talk about it and clear the misunderstandings if needed. Honestly, I have never heard any of my male friends talking or complaining about their girlfriends or wives.
Bijay Gurung (Civil Engineer, Singha Durbar Secretariat Reconstruction (SSRC))
Generally, men respect the woman in our lives. So if someone reaches the ‘in a relationship’ status, it is highly improbable that he will talk about her. It’s almost like a bro code; never talk bad about the leading ladies in our lives. The only exception that I can really think about is the quintessential ‘bad’ boys being dismissive about their girlfriends. As a matter of fact, we are more likely to share our relationship woes with close friends who are girls and then drink with our guy mates. However, if she happens to be a bad influence or just a hook up, then you can’t really blame us now, can you?