WOW | What You Think

Is having your own child a must?

Mandira Tripathi

Mandira-TripathiAcademic Programmes and Administrative Liaison Officer, Childreach Nepal
Parenthood is probably one of the most cherished moments. To be a parent is a tough job and we see many couples under the pressure of having a child of their own. Though many people think that having your own child is a must, I do not agree with it. You do not necessarily need your own child to experience parenthood. I’ve heard people talk about blood relations and connections being superior to adoption but whether it’s a relation by blood or by heart, the way they’re brought up determines who they become in life. Nature has its own domination but nurture is what crafts one’s life trajectory. If I were to have an option, I’d go for adoption. There are a lot of children who need homes, love, hope, and a secured future and if that is possible by us taking them as one of our family members and if you can feel the same warmth, then why not?

Suresh-LimbuSuresh Limbu

Lecturer, Campion College/ Camad College

Having your own child is definitely a priority, but having said that, if you are unable to have one, adoption could be the solution. I think we humans have that natural innate instinct to pass down one’s gene to their children. Preserving your legacy and passing down your family lineage is what comes naturally to any human being. However, circumstances may not always be in everyone’s favour. Impotency could happen to anyone and no one should be blamed or punished for that. I believe passing down a good ethical legacy is what is more important than just passing down your gene. For me, having my own child is a priority, not a compulsion. I will keep adoption as a viable option.

Almoda Uprety

Music Producer, Kripa Drishya Studio
“Get married! All your friends already have! Need a buhari! I need to see my grand children to reach heaven” That is just a gist of what I often hear here and there at this age and I’m sure all of us did at some point in life. I’m really protective of my personal choices though.


Whether having your own child is a must or not is obviously not some seasonal trend. It’s very subjective and can’t be generalised at all. Considering evolution, continuing of species and even religious and cultural aspects, reproduction is apparently one basic function we’re supposed to perform. That’s only ‘Being Human’. Reproduction is also good for various health issues for both male and female… period! As a parent, emotional and practical maturity follows and you grow as a person. But that does not mean demoting adoption or even surrogacy.

China controls birth because of over-population whereas in Japan, senior citizens outnumber active youth because of lower birth rates. If birth rate is not in balance it creates social hazards. So given that the couple are healthy, a healthy birth of a baby is inevitable and that’s what keeps us moving forward, I believe. Having said all that, I don’t want to sound preachy about how having your own child is a must. It’s completely a matter of personal choice, interest, age, situation you’re in, and gender. For instance, you’re a third gender couple and want to have a child… it depends on lot of other factors.

Amrit Laxmi Tuladhar

Marketing Manager, CE Construction

First and foremost, we need to define what having your ‘own child’ implies. It basically means conceiving a child who looks and acts like you. Having half of your share of DNA, certain characteristic, and appearance matches would define this. However, it is to be noted that how little of our own traits, personality, and intelligence are controlled exclusively by our genes. “Your own child”, in the end, may be nothing like you at all. _Amrit-Laxmi-Tuladhar
Being similar to a child does not guarantee closeness or parental enjoyment by any stretch. Sure, giving birth is one big act, a huge one in fact, but parenting is made up of thousands of acts each day and is the sum total of all these acts which would create that feeling of parenting. Biology has very little to do on this.
In our society, adoption is still frowned upon as this has an implication of an unsuccessful marriage or infertility or some personal reasons which are a big hush-hush. We should realise that you are only along for a short part of the ride and what we should realise is that we can influence and guide but never really ‘own’. Hence, it is worth mentioning that neither giving birth to a child nor adopting a child is superior; both are special, and both are great ways to have a child of your very own and it is certainly not ‘a must’ to have your ‘own child’.

Manisha Shrestha

Product Manager, Wockhardt ltd Nepal
_MG_Manisha-ShresthaWell as long as a woman is happy and confident with her decision of adoption, I don’t feel it is a must. Of course in a traditional society like ours, people support and respect women giving birth to a biological child, and women choosing adoption are considered narcissists. Maybe because of such cultural understanding and social condemnation, adoption is not a first choice for Nepali women, it’s a compulsion in a situation when they cannot give birth to a biological child. With all the social evolution I think adoption should be accepted by the society positively and couples should be encouraged to make choices as per their needs and desire. After all everyone has a right to choose the life that they feel is right for them. I feel that it’s completely a personal choice and at the end what really matters is creating a happy family and giving a child a good life.

Namrata Kunwar

Doctor, Kathmandu Medical College
Namrata-KunwarWhenever I ask the same question to others, they say, “everyone wants kids.” Being a woman myself, of course, I want to have a child, either of my own or through adoption. By having your own child, a mother gets to experience the joys and pains of pregnancy and birth. The wonder of seeing a tiny foot or head or butt making waves across the belly. The moment of breastfeeding is something ultimately missed by adoptive parents. A child you conceive will share half your DNA and it’s true that appearance and certain characteristics are influenced by genetics as well as from our personal experience. And then you come to know how little of our traits, personality, and intelligence are controlled by our genes.

I worry a little when I hear the word ‘own’ used in relation to children. I strongly believe they can be influenced and guided, but never be owned. Many people with infertility issues seek various medical treatments to have a child of their own. Today modern medical science has been using hormonal therapy, IVF and donor insemination as Assisted Reproductive Technique and some prefer Gestational Surrogacy or Traditional Surrogacy but still have religious and ethical issues.