WOW | What You Think

WHAT A GIRL MUST KNOW BEFORE GETTING MARRIED?

WOW spoke with a list of experts who advise on their areas of expertise about what a girl MUST know before tying the knot.

Compiled by: Anushka Shrestha
wow photo file © Ram Tandukar/Gokul Shrees/Sabina Mainali

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Parisha Shrestha
Legal Associate & Teacher

Firstly, a woman should know that marriage is basically a social contract. It is a social license to do and not to do a list of things which is backed by a legal certificate. It encompasses more of the social aspect in comparison to the legal.

Social aspect and background: Check the existence of the social status that the guy and the family claim to have. I would strictly recommend a thorough background check on the family status. One should investigate the family they are getting married into. For example, criminal records, previous marriages, divorce, children and their custody (in case of divorce), citizenship issues and more.

Physical aspect: Check if the guy is in perfect health condition. If it is love marriage and the girl is aware of the poor physical health of the guy and agrees to marry him; that is awesome. However, if it’s an arranged marriage, it needs to be given the utmost importance because this is a major leading cause for divorce. Lying about physical and mental health conditions to get married has been around for long.

Financial aspect: Learning about the financial condition of the family that you are getting married into doesn’t make you a gold digger. Everyone wants to have a secure future, and tying the knot is about gaining security.

Having knowledge about their property and family financial status is your right. Question them. Learn about them. And then make your decision. You wouldn’t want to be caught up in some messy situation, would you? Learn where the guy comes from, what his motives are and if there’s any selfish motive behind the marriage proposal. We find families drowning in debt and marrying girls from well-off families to pay off their loans.

Dowry: What happens when the groom’s family asks the bride’s family for money (or property) to withhold the marriage? Legally, it is banned, but since the implementation of law here is weak, it is widely practiced in the Madhesh region. Report this to higher authorities like the police. Say no to dowry.

Domestic violence: This can happen to both men and women. In Nepal, women are by large affected by gender-based violence in comparison to men. What would you do when your husband or his family physically abuses you?

The National Women Commission offers 24 hours helpline available for such cases. Additionally, you can seek help from the police, local bodies or the court itself. They register your complaint and provide you with security. So, it is better to be aware than hurt and lost.

Last but not the least, what happens when you see these signs after you’re married? You can file for divorce with or without the consent of your partner. No matter what, do not let yourself or anyone you know be victimised by the traditions and social stigma of tying the knot.

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Itchya Karki
Beauty Educator

Getting married is one of life‘s biggest decisions and also the happiest. When getting married there is a lot of happiness surrounding the family and couple, as well as stress. Personally, as a skin influencer I believe that when you have healthy looking skin you feel great about yourself and it will reduce the stress level during this period of your life where you are busy planning and arranging.

There is a culture in Nepal where we pay and look for top make-up artists in the industry to make us feel beautiful and look beautiful. However, what a lot of brides do not realise and do not focus on is the fact that no amount of makeup can really look beautiful without great skin. Therefore, a girl should take at least three to six months before the wedding to invest in a proper skincare regime and invest in proper skincare treatments. Use facials like micro dermabrasion peels depending upon your skin. I would also suggest that the bride take time out of their busy schedule for some relaxing massage for their body.

As a bride, I understand there’s so much shopping and stress finding the perfect outfit, makeup artist, venue… Your body is stressed and you need to fine ways to relax your mind, body and soul. Therefore I think proper care before a wedding is a must.

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Dibyata Vaidya
Miss Nepal Earth 2015

Before you get married it is important to know your partner. Be good friends and make an effort to find out about each other. Start with a solid foundation of love, shared values and trust. I had known my husband for ten years before getting married. It helped us understand and communicate with each other about everything. It is equally important to respect each other’s career, space, goals and dreams. Be supportive while respecting the fact that you have responsibilities towards your family too. Most importantly marry someone who you share common interests with.

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Dr. Bandana Shrestha
Senior Consultant, Obstetrician and Gynecologist, Grande International Hospital

Within the framework of the World Health Organisation, health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity, reproductive health, or sexual health and hygiene. It addresses the reproductive processes, functions and system at all stages of life. Sexual and reproductive health includes physical as well as psychological well-being vis-a-vis sexuality. Reproductive health implies that people can have a responsible, satisfying and safer sex life with capability to reproduce and the freedom to decide if, when and how often to do so. One’s interpretation of this implies that men and women ought to be informed of and to have access to safe, effective, affordable and acceptable methods of birth control. Also access to appropriate health care services of sexual, reproductive medicine and implementation of health education programs.

To stress the importance of women to go safely through pregnancy and childbirth could provide couples with the best chance of having a healthy infant. Individuals do face inequalities in reproductive health services. Inequalities vary based on socioeconomic status, education level, age, ethnicity, religion and resources available in their environment. It is possible for example that low income individuals lack the resources for appropriate health services and the knowledge to know what is appropriate for maintaining reproductive health.

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Swastika Rajbhandari
Owner, Swastika Hari & Makeup Studio/ Makeup Artist

Great makeup starts with a good canvas. Make sure your canvas is ready. Start readying your canvas months before the wedding day. Give attention to your sleeping and eating habits, water intake, exfoliate, cleanse, pamper yourself with spa, nails, waxing, body polishing or anything that makes you feel rejuvenated.

Choose a make-up artist wisely. Browse through his/her work (photos, videos, web-pages, and social media). If possible send a request to join them during a bridal makeover to understand the process, and the hard work that goes behind it.

Make appointments as soon as you fix your wedding date. If you have any references regarding the kind of look you want, share it with the make-up artist. More importantly, trust the vision of the artist you choose. It is better to visit a makeup studio rather than home services because getting ready at home for your big day will be very chaotic.

[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Dr. Jaya Regmee” ]

Dr. Jaya Regmee
Psychiatrist

Everyone who is getting married feels different emotionally; for some it is a joyful new beginning, for some it is a necessary phase of life and for some it may be a very stressful decision. However you reach there, getting married is known to be one of the leading causes of stressor worldwide.

Give value to any concerns that you have. You are concerned for a reason but might not always consider it to be as significant as you feel. It helps to get a perspective from people other than you.

Talk about the worries and concerns that you might have. The more you express, the more relieved you will feel and you will see more solutions to your problems.

Try to have an honest conversation with your future partner about what both your goals are in life. Most problems arise when partners want different things from life. Practical considerations like living space, your job and its requirements, having children and maintaining family relations need to be discussed.

Maintain a regular routine of physical activity, eating and sleeping times even when you are busy.

You will be adjusting in a new environment, give yourself and others some time.

[/nextpage] [nextpage title=”Prathana Uday S. Shrestha” ]

Prathana Uday S. Shrestha
Co-founder, MP Luxury Bridal by Mahima & Prathana

Our biggest advice for brides is to make sure to manage time appropriately. It is best to place an order for your bridal garments atleast 45 days ahead of the event so you have ample amount of time for fittings and alterations for the perfect look. Brides inform us about not remembering their big day as they are stressed out and panicking. Hence, it is advised to be present in the moment so you can cherish the memories for a lifetime.

Couples are advised to sit down with their wedding photographers and planners and have a detailed conversation about what they want. Prepare lots of photos, maybe a Pinterest board beforehand to show them what you really like. Doing this will help them know what gear to bring and what shots they are responsible for.

Finally, just remember that small details don’t matter and are not worth having petty fights over. Guests won’t remember what name card design was on the table or if they received a parting gift or not. Focus on the big picture – location, food, decor, and photography – and most importantly have a good wedding planner and trust their instincts whole heartedly. They have been doing it for a long time and would have your best interests at heart.

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