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WHAT KIND OF COUPLE ARE YOU?
1) You and your other half go out for the evening…
- This is exceptional, usually we prefer to stay at home
- Your partner usually decides when and where to go
- We usually have a date night at the weekend
- Nothing out of the ordinary, we’re always together
2) In terms of taste (books, films, etc) and ideas (political, cultural, and spiritual)…
- We’re rather different and that’s fine
- We each have our preferences and it sometimes gives rise to heated discussions between us
- We have little in common and we don’t have meaningful conversations
- We share views on most things
3) When a conflict is brewing in your relationship, you tend to:
- Let your partner have their own way to avoid an argument
- Wait it out
- Provoke a blazing row so you can both get things out in the open
- Speak calmly
4) How often do you socialise with your friends?
- Frequently, they often come round
- Now and then – we have a few very close friends
- We often all go out together
- We see our friends separately a lot
5) The words that best summarise the goals of your relationship are:
- Security and stability
- Tenderness and support
- Mutual exchange and openness to the world
- Motivation and assistance
6) Who in your relationship brings new ideas or suggests adventures?
- We share these discussions
- Usually my partner does
- About equal between us
- Neither of us
7) You have to work late and your partner finds there’s not much at home to cook for dinner.
- They wait for you – you’ll have gone to the shops on the way home
- They call you to ask what to do
- They order a takeaway
- They go to do the shopping
8) You both eat dinner:
- Every day at vaguely the same time
- Whatever time you both get home
- Often at the same time
- It’s flexible
9) Who makes the decisions about finance, holidays, home interiors, weekend activities, etc?
- You do the home stuff, your partner does the rest
- Both, after discussing things
- There are no set rules
- We decide together, except in certain areas
10)Your relationship is more like:
- A nest
- A springboard
- A castle
- A ship
This couple style is characterised by a fusion of desires. You share a lot of common interests and activities, and have a network of friends who act like extended family – it’s likely your own family backgrounds are both very stable. Nothing makes you happier than spending time in your cosy bubble, just the two of you or in the company of that chosen inner circle. You’re not interested in broadening your horizons, or even in engaging with people from different backgrounds to yours. Tenderness, support and relaxation are priorities. Social and professional ambition are foreign concepts to both of you and you’re not particularly bothered about making a mark in your community. At home, you share chores and responsibilities. Decisions are taken by mutual agreement and each of your opinions matter equally.
Try this: Make a date to see friends on your own once a week. Try to develop one hobby or activity that you can do without your partner.
Your couple style aspires to a complete merging of interests. It’s important to you that you and your partner share the same activities, be it sports and hobbies or taste in holiday destinations. You would do anything to avoid conflict and you’d prefer to agree with your other half in order to have a quiet life rather than creating an upsetting scene. Your key couple values are functioning consensus, similarity, security and solidarity. But within your couple, the differences are more marked. You leave it to your partner to make new connections or suggest different things to do. At home, it’s you who does most of the domestic and parenting tasks. You may well yearn for more tenderness from your partner, as well as a greater sense of security and for meaningful distractions to alleviate the humdrum of your life.
Try this: Sit down with your partner and work out how to mix things up a bit. Put them in charge of the housework one night a week, while you take over the planning for a new outing or activity for the weekend.
Most C s
This couple style emphasises equality and autonomy. The richness of your life is gleaned more from your differences than your similarities. The communication between you is about a healthy exchange of views and negotiation rather than on trying to come to a consensus. You both put a high value on going out into the world, meeting people and enjoying new experiences. At home, chores and duties are conducted by one or other of you equally. No one is in charge of any particular role. You find this approach is a sound emotional investment where you each enjoy the other’s support, sympathy and humour. You don’t set much store by ritual or habit, finding that improvisation, innovation and finding new ways to do things are more productive.
Try this: As an experiment, you might try introducing a set ritual or routine to your life, such as a Tuesday night date night. You don’t always need to reinvent the wheel!
If your relationship was a film genre, it would be a buddy movie! You have a great desire to merge, and enjoy similar ideals, tastes and activities. You rarely go anywhere without each other. But although being in agreement is important to you as a couple, you don’t cut yourselves off from the world. You like getting involved in community life and have great relationships with extended family, friends and neighbours. Values, such as support and security, combine with your willingness to engage with the world and become involved in both your respective professional and community lives. You’ve no problem sharing the chores at home, and your partner is probably above average when it comes to lending a hand. Your default setting is to take decisions jointly. In general, you like to focus on being spontaneous and flexible, rather than sticking to rigid routines.
Try this: Once in a while you might want to order in a takeaway and spend some quality time on a date night at home, just the two of you.